Take Your Inspirational Quotes and Stuff 'Em...

If this doesn't bring you happiness, apparently you are a cold-hearted fool. Sometimes I'm just at a loss for words...

Going to California, Sans Heartache

No one should ever go so far as to call me a spontaneous person. I mainly just mind my own business and stick it out day after day, year after year, feeling as-stuck-in-the-midwest as anyone can feel. But my mood took a dramatic upswing in the last few days for very obvious reasons. Suddenly I have an urge to listen to every song ever written about California or Los Angeles, knowing that soon, real soon, I'll be seeing it with my own eyes.

Years ago, as a young rock-star-wannabe, I would stare at maps of Los Angeles for hours, trying to get a feel for how the town spreads out.  I would imagine where my future home would be, possibly tucked somewhere in the Hollywood Hills with plenty of parking available to models, other rock stars, millionaires, and party-crashers.  Also, I often dreamed of up-and-driving-there without notice to start a new life, because as pathetic as it may have turned out, I would have at least *tried* to bring change upon myself.  Those plans were at best unrealistic, and at worst really stupid.

I've been told many stories about Los Angeles;  most of them are unflattering, I hate to say.  I'm not sure if one of the best stories I've been told is true, but it's probably very likely, and a good story nonetheless.  

When a group of guys were trying to 'make it' as a big rock band in the 80's, their car (the only car any of the musicians had) was stolen.  Some days later, they found the car in a driveway not more than a couple of blocks away.  Whoever had stolen the car had not changed the locks or the ignition key;  so, having the key, the rightful owner got in and drove it home, only to find that a *wonderful* stereo system had been installed in the days it'd been gone.  There was really no recourse for the thief in a situation like that, so the hero of our story was blessed with a great new stereo and the car wasn't any worse for the wear.  If it didn't really happen to them, I'm quite sure this has been done in LA several times at some point.

People have asked me why I would want to live in Los Angeles, and in truth, I haven't wanted to in quite a while.   But there's just so much happening there, I'm sure that when I get back I'll be a little more comfortable on the city bus, laughing at the one horse we own, and feeling a bit more well-travelled than if I just stayed home and persisted in the mundane.  Los Angeles is, after all, the second-largest city in the US;  California is the most-populated and easily-most-eccentric place we've got, and I've never been there.  I may never go back, who knows, but I will unlikely be unable to forget what it's like.

Still, I'd like to think of myself as well-travelled, regionally, anyway.  I've been to Chicago several times and had the *privilege* of driving through it to a destination near Wrigley Field twice.  I'd taken the 'L' a few times with a friend who lives there, but on my last visit, took it alone for the first time, downtown, where it becomes a subway.  On the outside I tried to pretend that I'd done it so many times before, tried to give off the impression that if I could somehow get away from the daily grind of Chicago and get off this god-forsaken train that I had apparently known since birth, I would.  On the inside, though, I felt like a real farm-boy, though I haven't spent very much time in the rural areas, but nonetheless really nervous about taking the train by myself for the first time.  I lived to tell the tale.

So what happened to me?  Suddenly, without a lot of warning, I have agreed to spend a week in downtown Los Angeles, and it'll be worth it.

I still want to go to Japan, and still plan to do so, but this was too good of an opportunity to pass up.  Now, the reason I got into Japan and the culture wasn't the culture itself, but the people.  And to be more specific, it was certain people;  idols, to be exact.

If I were to go to Japan, attending a concert would probably be very unlikely, almost an afterthought.  So much time would be spent planning hotels and destinations, vacation time, money, and being able to read the signs, etc.  It would be very obvious that I was not from around there, and if I managed to find a good record store, I'd be doing good.  What are the odds that if I *did* go to Japan I'd manage to see any of the people who are responsible for my current obsession?

That all changed with the possibility of seeing Morning Musume perform at Anime Expo in Los Angeles this summer.  See details here, and go mad with jealousy at my comparative good luck.  Let me wallow in this for a while, because I don't get out often.  And on the other hand, I'm still not believing that this is actually going to happen.

I harbor a little bit of dissapointment that I won't be seeing °C-ute or Berryz Kobo, though if I'd seen them a little over a year ago, wouldn't have been star-struck anyway.  Morning Musume may have already reached its peak some time ago, and some of the most popular girls won't be there, but still, let's stop and think about who I'll be in the same room with.

For starters, no, it's not Aiko;  but at least two of them have definitely spoken to her, and shared some time backstage (or possibly the same bunk bed) with her during the Musume audition.

Let's see who I'll be seeing with my own two eyes.  A member of MiniMoni, albeit a latecomer, Ms. Takahashi Ai, and fellow 5th gen-er Niigaki Risa.  Both of these girls are hilariously gorgeous, have talked to Aiko at some point, were around back when 'Mr. Moonlight' came out, and by my calculations, hold the title for being in Morning Musume longer than anyone else in history.

Next, the 6th gen of Kamei Eri, Michishige Sayumi, and Tanaka Reina, all swimsuit models in a former life, apparently:

'Nuff said.

And, if that weren't enough, the almighty Ms. Kusumi Koharu will be there;  so Rainbow Pink, (my favorite super-group) will be reunited, so to speak, with a surrounding ensemble.  Plus, have I ever mentioned that I really like Koha-chan?

Mitsui Aika, the sole Japanese rep of the 8th gen, will be there.  As much as I tried to ignore her, seriously, tenacity is one of her better qualities, and if she encountered me alone on the street, proclaiming that she was a Musume, I'd stop her in the middle of her spiel.  "You're friggin' Mitsui!" I would exclaim, and then we would go back to my castle and live happily ever after.

Here's the hard part.  The other two 8th gen-ers Junjun and Linlin will also be there, but for the life of me, I can't tell them apart.  Blame it on me being racist and having a bit of trouble accepting Chinese girls into my favorite Japanese group.  Or, blame it on me looking the other way when they joined, and just generally not keeping up with Morning Musume in recent days.  Either way, a *lot* of good things have been said about these two, and I usually listen to my online peers when it comes to talent.  I just haven't seen much of them, and unlike, say, Yuko and Rika, there's not a big age/personality difference for me to latch on to.  I can't tell any other two Asian girls apart, so don't get too offended, I'm just an idiot about these things.

So, my goal in life is to see me some idols, and this is quite the collection.  No need to get a passport and the flight itself is about 1/6th the amount I'd be paying to get to Japan, no idol-seeing included.  Add to that the fact that I'll be amongst friends unknown, Japanophiles all.  I'm not a huge anime fan, but there'll be plenty of cool (and cutting edge) things to see there.

Consider this to be another notch scratched on my belt.  Been to California, been to LA, and if things hold out, I'd have stayed but a block away from Library Tower.  It's still partially up in the air, but in all actuality, I have a plane ticket to Los Angeles and admission to the Expo gate.  So it's as if I've already been there, short of telling Kusumi (to her face) that I love her.  Did I mention that I really like Kusumi Koharu?

The Hello!Blog poll, 2009, results explained.

I figured I'd do the polite thing and complete Tom's little challenge to select my top ten members of H!P. He's gotten a lot of responses so far and you have until April 10 to get your say, if you haven't already.

I started doing this, not really sure of what I was doing and just stared at all my options until I came up with a lineup that I'm very proud of, so I thought I'd explain why I put them in this order. This actually turned out to be pretty fun, I may become an idol-ranker in the future despite my pride.


First, honorable mention goes to Kayo Aiko. It's a cop-out, admittedly, but if it weren't for her, I wouldn't know who any of these girls are. Insofar as this site is all about her, it stands to reason that she is my 'real' first choice and nothing I've seen in the past three years has even threatened her reign at the top of my list. Not to say that I don't enjoy anything as much, just... Aiko, is all. For what it's worth, she would have done a great job with H!P and this is one of the few Tsunku moves I disagree with.


1. Kusumi Koharu, undeniably. I love girls who are very pretty and who act crazy most of the time, go figure. Aside from juicing up the 'Cover You' record with songs like 'Six seven oh oh!' and 'Pin Pon ...IKOU KA!?!?!?', she's got a presence on every song she's ever done, be it solo, or when she teams up with Sayu or Hagitty or MilkyWay, etc. Having first noticed her in the vid for 'Egao YES Nude' I've been paying attention for a while, and *some*body looks damn good in the 'Naichau Kamo' (Nacho Spider) vid. Songs like 'Happy Sunday' really keep me going, and there's plenty of good stuff on her latest record; did I mention she makes dog noises? Oh, so cute... Seriously, this woman is saving my life right now; when things are going wrong I hear her screaming like a crazy person and I just get the giggles. Thanks, Koha; you win this one easily.


2. Tsugunaga Momoko, or just plain Momoko, because this chick is just unique, there's nobody else like her. She's quickly gone from being the most annoying Berry (in my past opinions) to being the best. Perseverance pays, and she's always there, constantly reminding you that she's not going away, and you're just going to have to deal with it. I now have a pretty good knowledge of the group, but from that first day I could tell Momoko's voice from the rest. Perky, powerful Momoko, redefining the exceptional idol, gets hit by a bus and just keeps going. Wins a motorcycle race on a tricycle. Sorry, y'all, take a backseat. I shouldn't even *have* to explain this.


3. Hagiwara Mai, mostly to illustrate the order of my three favorite groups. Still, she's on a Koha record, which is as close as one gets to being a god in my book. Gets to rock the song 'Disco Queen' with Tom's favorite, Nakki. Appears on Morning Musume's 7.5 Fuyu Mini record with lines such as (and I'm loosely translating) 'Shut up or I'll kill you, Mikitty...' To which, Miki retorts, 'Stuff a sock in it, Hagitty...' She wears those 'flying ace' sunglasses in the 'Massara Blue Jeans' vid, and the list goes on. I might not say she's the best in °C-ute but she's my favorite to see, hopefully plenty more good things to come with her.


4. Michishige Sayumi, the other half of Rainbow Pink, or whatever the hell they call that duo that sings about pink Christmases and pink rainbows. After my first listen to 'Rainbow Pink' I couldn't believe what I just heard, it sounded like it was written by aliens. I think now that v-u-den and W are gone, this sickeningly sweet duo needs to get an album, one that turns anyone into a diabetic after listening to it all the way through. Anyway, Sayu's schtick about being the cutest in Momusu (and knowing it) has worn thin with a lot of people, but I've always enjoyed it. She's not wrong, I'll let you know, and aside from being obnoxiously cute, she's obnoxiously DEADLY in a swimsuit, hot damn! Go ahead, do a Google image search for some pics, and in three days, when you're done staring at that, this will still be here. Yes, she works out.


5. Tokunaga Chinami, are you seeing a pattern in my group selection, here? Being pulled from obscurity and winning the second Berryz slot takes some serious doing, and Chinami's been working it like crazy lately, flashing those hi-beams (her *eyes*, you pervs), and just generally being outgoing, fun to watch, and surprisingly down-to-earth as well. I've been told that we get to see a glimpse of her in a swimsuit towards this summer, so be on the lookout. Also, anyone who screams 'Everybody BANZAI!' gets high ranks from me. She's got Tom's vote, too.


6. Suzuki Airi, who really needs no boost from me to get a good spot in the overall poll, but let's count the ways. Cute, done. Sings 'Tsuugaku Vector', need I say more? Also, an outstanding job done on the Aa! single 'First Kiss' at the age of *9*! She ain't 'front and center' in °C-ute for no good reason, so you should totally be expecting her to keep owning as she gets older. Another choice that I shouldn't have to explain. Also, Buono!, so there. There's no comeback for that.


7. Kamei Eri, again, mostly for the latest swimsuit pics. Wins my ranking overall as a complete person; as an idol, she's got a little work to do, but no worries. To aid the police in the future, I'm publicly admitting here that if I ever see her in person, I'm going to steal her without regard to the law. There's no talking me out of it, I'm afraid, and as her captor, will take her to every clothing store in town and demand that she try everything on and show me how it looks, even tuxedos and old lady shawls, and (heart skips a beat here) pj's. Afterwards, take her to the best restaurant in town so they can say, 'I'm sorry, we can't serve you, your girlfriend is too hot and she'll cause all the steaks to be overcooked.' She'll kill all the lobsters in the tank after the water starts boiling, just standing there waiting for an open table.


8. and 9. Natsuyaki Miyabi and Sugaya Risako (almost a tie). The (not-so-aptly-named) 'gruesome twosome' who front the Berryz get punitive spots all the way down here, past the Momoko's and Chinami's who are actually singing for their supper. Yeah, they're still godawfully gorgeous, they've still got my eyes turned toward them no matter what, and we've got another member of Buono! (no comeback, see?) and as well, Risako just KILLS the speakers on 'Real Love' any day of the week. But my reasoning for putting them down here is this: girls, don't get egotistical and lazy, or else you'll be out of the top ten entirely. Keep kicking ass and maybe next year you'll do better with me. Even though everybody loves you gals, there's really no comfortable amount of breathing room here, ya can't slack off for a second or Chinami will have your head, for breakfast.


10. Ishikawa Rika, as in, currently, out of the rest of the group, the one I like the most. V-u-den, Hangry and Angry, Gatas, 4th gen Momusu, et al. A native of Kanagawa, where the prettiest girls in the world are manufactured (right, Aiko?) See, Rika was once a little girl like the rest of my votes here, then she was the *leader* of v-u-den, as in, people are telling Yui and Erika to get out of the way so they can get a glimpse of Rika, that's saying something. So now, she pretty much owns the world, I think. She came over the other day and told me to get out of my own house so she could have her ten boyfriends over, and I checked the law, I had to let her do it. Bonus point for her having a sense of humor where everything she says is completely *not* funny, but I can't help but laugh uncontrollably when she just stares at whoever she's told the 'joke' to, like, 'isn't that hilarious?!?' It's not, but if she could get any cuter, I'll be stealing her, too.

Not being in the top ten doesn't mean I don't like whoever I've left out; I could only pick so many, you know. Some of them, though, I have no idea who they are... Shugo? You can't *eat* that. Manoeri... who the hell is that? She must've been stuck in someone's chimney and they felt sorry for her and let her do a couple singles. And seriously, I'm not learning the names of all the Gatas, that's going too far. And I hope Yoshi takes top prize, honestly.

So there you have it, I can't wait for next year. Tom, if you're reading this, I can hear your maniacal laughter at me for going on and on and on about who's my favorite and why. Ah, I have done 'that which I vowed I would never do'. Pray for me.

Thanks be to Tom for getting this done and making us feel like we have *some* say in our favorite groups.  You get bonus brag points for converting me from someone who used to laugh at your long-winded 'favorite' posts into someone who also does long-winded 'favorite' posts.

Now, go and vote, dammit!

Love for Koha-chan

At its conception, a rule of this blog was to not mention any other artists besides Aiko and after a long interval I finally figured out that this was unrealistic.  As the old cliché goes, rules were made to be broken, and I've broken it four (count 'em, four) times so far just for reviewing the Girl's Box film.  Maybe it appears I've gone on for too long about the film, but it is what it is and it's likely the most extensive, if not the ONLY review of this film in the English language.

My attention now turns to some other artists;  the purpose is to show that I have other musical interests besides Ms. Kayo Aiko, believe it or not.  Since some of the artists I want to talk about may already have a lot of English-speaking fans (or naysayers), I realize I'm treading on sacred ground with this.  Before we get started, understand that I'm not trying to alienate anyone who feels otherwise about them, I'm just sayin'...

So:  Kusumi Koharu, a.k.a. Koha-chan; the only 7th Generation member of Morning Musume, and the H!P solo artist with the longest (and most unnecessary) 'official name' (which is >deep breath<, 'Tsukushima Kirari starring Kusumi Koharu (Morning Musume)') as if 'Kusumi Koharu' just wasn't unique enough.  I know what it means, of course, but what a mouthful.

It was only a couple of months ago that I bought her album 'Kirarin*Land' off iTunes, after hearing a sample of 'Konnichipa' and saying (to no one) "this'll scare the rats off the porch."  Note that I have no porch or a rat problem, but if I ever do, "Konnichi pa pa, Konnichipa!"  It was on a whim that I bought the whole album, really, and now it's hard to imagine a world without it.

From what I've read, most people either LOVE or CAN'T STAND Ms. Kusumi, and there's no room in between.  Some people can get really mean when they talk about her and I can understand both sides of the argument.  On the one hand, she *always* acts like, "look at me, I'm SOO cute, can you stand it?"  She sings as if her audience is a bunch of 5-year-olds who've said, "we don't understand your language" and she's responding like most of us would and saying the same thing again, only LOUDER and MORE PRONOUNCED, because that does the trick, right?

Let's look at the facts.  A lot of parallels have been drawn between Kusumi and Gottsan, in that (a.) they were both the only new member to join MM when they each joined, and (b.) both were considered to be the 'ace in the hole' by fans and management alike (though Gottsan has arguably done more for the group's popularity so far).  After that, their similarities end.  Gottsan, complete babe that she is, was far calmer about her looks;  she was probably just as surprised at her sudden popularity as everyone else.  And that's what attracted a lot of fans to her, I'm guessing, because she seemed so approachable and down-to-earth.  Doesn't sound like Koha-chan at all, now, does it?

No, Koha-chan is an entirely different brand, but in her favor, she knows what that brand is and she does it well.  It took a little getting used to for this wota, but in the long run, she could probably murder my dog in cold blood, (note: I have no dog, but if I did...) show no remorse, and my reply would be only that "what Koha has done is good!"

In summary, to all the people who love to hate Ms. Kusumi, I offer this:  if you can't stand hearing catchy ultra-pop music sung by an unapologetic, completely extroverted girl who appears to have more than a few loose screws, this is not the musume for you.  Instead, there are a variety of other musume (that we'd be happy to show you) which may be more suited to your taste.  It's a big group.

Next, some firepower for those who love to love Ms. Kusumi.  She acts like a crazy person but deep down she knows exactly what she's doing, so attached is she to your wallet.  She knows that "OH-MY-GOD-LOOK-AT-ME-I'M-SO-CUTE-ALL-THE-TIME" is something that may come off as annoying to some, but she doesn't care about the haters.  She'll just go on feeling *ten times* as cute and *ten times* as talented as the rest of the group, and nothing will knock her off that cloud, because it's arguable -- and not an outright falsehood -- that she is.  In addition, as a singer I can vouch for her singing talent, as she uses a wide variety of vocal style and pronunciation (see 'talking to foreigners', above;  see also "Konnichipa" for extremes of vocal manipulation).  This makes her voice easily recognizable in the sea of helium-huffers better known as Morning Musume.  (I'm a huge fan, don't get me wrong, but someone should tell them that their recording studio is filled with helium.)

Koha's not the best singer even in her talent agency.  A listen to 'Sansan GOGO' shows that the other two girls in the group may have better control, notably in the second-verse line, "Omoikkiri ni suikon dara" sung by Sayaka.  But as hard as they are trying to be noticed, they just haven't got the Star Power that Koha has, and in my mind, she's stealing the spotlight even *if* the others deserve it more.

Ah, Ms. Kusumi, you've got bigger fans than me, I admit.  You're 16, which is a little below my tolerance level for the list of 'girls I like to stare at'... wait a minute... Risako (14)... Miyabi (16)... Saaya (14)... I'm kidding about that one.  But if you've been paying attention, Aiko (22) is my ideal star.  So I feel a little embarrassed about watching you kiddies run around, but when you and all the others I've mentioned get a few years older, look out!  Also, note that I carry a huge torch for hiro;  although she's now 24 she was 15 (!) when SPEED broke up.

So, the point to my ramblings (if there is one) is this:  I started out thinking that Kusumi Koharu had some catchy tunes, and maybe I'd put them on once in a while.  Well, I bought 'Kirarin*Land' and MilkyWay's 'Anataboshi' from iTunes, and after deciding it was really good, I bought her first album 'Mitsuboshi' from CDJapan, along with the 'PaPancake' single.  While I may have had second thoughts about buying up all this Kusumi stuff, the three "People who bought this also bought" recommendations at the bottom of the CDJapan page were all Aiko singles.  "Well," I thought, "I'm in good company."  And I don't regret buying any of her stuff.  I can put on an album and let it play, because nothing needs to be skipped.  In fact, several days in a row I've listened to her entire catalog in the span of a few hours -- this is how listenable this stuff is to me.

Yes, I get lost in these recordings and consider them to be of highest quality despite any apparent flaws, because whoever chooses her songs has really made sure that they match her style and personality.  It's also notable that a lot of her music *wasn't* composed by Tsunku.

But what Aiko fan wouldn't love a song called 'very! berry! strawberry!' or think that a song called 'Spaghetti' wouldn't be entertaining?  For the record, 'Konnichipa' WOULD scare all the rats off your porch (and make your neighbors think that Myron Floren did some *weird* collaborations) and the sound of bursting fireworks at the end of 'Koi Hanabi' is so perfect, it gets me every time.  If I had to pick a favorite, 'Olalala' would be at the top of the list;  apart from it being a good chillin' tune, the faux French that she sings is simply beyond adorable.  A new word should be invented to describe how adorable it is.  Were it possible to hollow out the syllable "pa" from the line "nu bu zankiete pa" (Ne vous inquietez pas!), build a home there, and live in it, I'd live happily ever after.