Jpop Meets Postwar Optimism

I know I've mentioned SPEED on this blog more than a couple of times, and if you're not familiar with them, well, that's your problem. A group that paved the way for young girl groups, a force to be reckoned with, and also, I've heard that they sold a few records. Well, they're back as adults after some years off, but what do ya think they did in the meantime? Sip lemonade and hang out at the old-folks'-home? Hardly...

After SPEED broke up in 1999, popular member Hiroko Shimabukuro said, "okay, let's just shorten my name to 'Hiro', and I'll take 'solo-careers' for $500, Alex." She did pretty well with that, showing a more mellow side, yet coming back with an ass-kicker or two just to show that she still had it in her.

*Then* someone came up with the bright idea that she should do an album of jazz standards, in English, no less. Called "Coco d'Or", the album was released in 2004. Rather than summarize the album I thought it'd be interesting to go track-by-track, because I don't think anyone else has done the world this favor.

First, though, to give you an idea of the sound of this record (very big band), do enjoy this video. Hiro looks damn good in this, so watch carefully:



The album starts with Route 66, made famous by Nat King Cole in 1946. The song did much to popularize the nearly-transcontinental road, which only exists in fragments today. SPEED did a couple of videos in the Southwest, so it's very possible that Hiro has seen a piece of the actual Route 66; but the execution of the lyrics makes it sound like she's learned the song phonetically, rather than knowing the song inside and out. Still, with an open mind and a love of Japanese girls in general, it's hard not to fall in love with her awkward pronunciations of American places, like Missouri (she says 'mih-ZAH-ree') and San Bernardino ('SAAN-baa-na-DEE-no'). Believe me when I say that this is a good record for travelling.

Next is Avalon, a standard since Al Jolson recorded it in 1920. This version takes a more modern swing feel, as most jazz combos have done in history, and it ends with Hiro holding the last note for over 10 seconds.

And the Melody Still Lingers On (Night in Tunisia) follows, a much more recent song by Chaka Khan (I can't seem to place the exact year). It takes the melody of a 1942 Dizzy Gillespie composition and adds nostalgic lyrics about how the song changed the face of popular music. It name-drops a number of jazz celebrities: "Dizzy [Gillespie] and Bird" [Charlie Parker], "Max [Roach] and Miles" [Davis], "The Duke [Ellington] and The Prez" [Lester Young], "from [John] Coltrane to Stevie" [Wonder, I assume], although I've heard a version that substitutes "Louis" [Armstrong] for "Stevie". So if you've ever wanted to hear a Jpop star talk about the jazz greats of old, this is your song. The middle of the song features a scat section where Hiro does both the melody and the harmony, and just one Hiro is quite powerful -- layer that voice, and it's divine.

Free is a cover of a 1977 DeNiece Williams song, originally a soulful R&B tune, arranged here as a peppy big band number. There's not much to dislike as Hiro switches between time signatures and styles effortlessly.

Fly Me to the Moon was written in 1954 and has been recorded by a number of vocalists since. Arguably the most well-known recording was of Frank Sinatra in 1964. Although the song has been ubiquitous, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that the only reason I now know the words is because of the Coco d'Or version. But the same holds true with a lot of the songs on this record. I might have known a chorus or two, but it took Hiro to get me to pay attention. Go figure.

Summertime, the infamous 1935 George Gershwin composition from "Porgy and Bess", covered by hundreds over time, if not more, still sounds fresh after all these years when Hiro sings along. The backbone of this version is a very "Dave Matthews"-sounding electric-acoustic riff, with lots of arpeggios and some string-slaps for percussive effect. Another scat section is included which ends in a crashing-down-the-stairs resolution. Hiro thinks your ma is "good lookin'," so that's a plus.

The Face I Love, sorry, can't hit you with a lot of history on this one, but appears to have been written by Marcos Valle, in this case an upbeat samba which invites you to "think of things like daffodils and peaceful sheep on blue-green hills" and if you do, "every lovely view introduces you to the face I love". Which is a sweet sentiment not unlike many Jpop songs.

Next, The Girl from Ipanema may be a bit grating to some but I actually love the original recording, probably more than this version. For good measure, this version brings the only other vocalist on the entire record, a soft-spoken gentleman who gets the honor of singing the Portuguese lyrics, as any respectable cover of this song would warrant. Oddly, Hiro repeats a mistake over and over, instead of the word 'she', it's phrased as "when SHE'S passes each one SHE'S passes goes 'Ahh'." Strange, but you get used to it.

It's Only A Paper Moon, written in 1933, covered by that many artists, a song that refuses to die. Hiro lends her talents to this song nicely. The text of this song refers to the world as a collection of fake reality and cheap thrills, but, of course, "it wouldn't be make-believe if you believe in me." Fall in love with Hiro and your life suddenly has meaning.

Orange Colored Sky, presented in video-form above, is one of my more favorite tunes from this album. Like "Paper Moon", the lyric refers to living in a fantasy world, where the sky is inexplicably orange (later it also features purple stripes and pretty green polka-dots), until "wonderful *you* came by". This song was another popularized by Nat King Cole in 1950, co-written by Milton DeLugg, who wrote "Hooray for Santa Claus," the theme from the classic kid's movie (and MST3K episode) "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians". I really like the fantastical lyrics, along with the invocation of such words as "Flash! Bam! Alakazam!"

The Very Thought of You can be quite a tearjerker if you're in the mood for it. Sultry, lingering, and featuring a soprano sax solo (thankfully *not* Kenny G), it's a mile away from the Bing Crosby original of 1934. Were it not for the prolific history of this song it might be easy to mistake this as a song written expressly for Hiro. She very much owns this version of the song.

Spain (I Can Recall) is a Chick Corea/Al Jarreau composition which begins a very gloomy sung intro, "Yesterday; just a photograph of yesterday..." about a love gone south, which then has the singer dreaming about being "lovers once again". This intro features Hiro singing in a very low register, probably the lowest she's been on record. But suddenly the song changes gears and over an upbeat Spanish-style rhythm, Hiro sings about those golden days in Spain where she "did love and adore" the subject of the song. Wow, too bad I was battling a vicodin addiction at the time, because that sounds like a wonderful affair, and I would have remembered it otherwise.

In 1943, Tin Pan Alley composer/lyricist Cole Porter wrote You'd Be So Nice To Come Home To, and as its title implies, it's a gushy song about a hopeful love affair. While this review is quickly becoming little more than a "same to you, Hiro", let me just say that the sentiment is returned. Hiro *would* be a welcome sight upon returning to the homestead, "under stars chilled by the winter" or "an August moon burning above".

I Can't Give You Anything But Love (...baby), was written in 1928 by a possible several people, and has been covered a great number of times. Nearly every line in the song ends with a tag of "...baby" and Hiro sings the song in a very carefree and coy fashion. Just think of a typical platinum blonde postwar big band singer winking into a crowd of overexcited and underappreciated men, and this is Hiro here. The way she sings it's almost implied that she's wearing a feather boa in the studio. Hilariously, Cary Grant and Katherine Hepburn sang an intentionally poor version of this song to a leopard on a rooftop (named "Baby") in the 1938 film Bringing Up Baby (which, if you're interested, the scene can be found here).

You're Everything is a song apparently originally recorded by the Chick Corea group Return to Forever. Like "Spain" it's an upbeat Latin feel that is easily accessible to the listener.

Calling You, a.k.a., theme from Bagdad Café, originally recorded for the 1987 film, has been covered by artists as varied as Barbara Streisand, Celine Dion, and Jeff Buckley. Hiro puts her own laid-back spin on the iconic song, where the chorus could be easily overdone (think of Whitney Houston's effective-fire-alarm "I Will Always Love You") but she sings the "I-I-I... am calling you" in a breathier tone than the original, and we all know that she *could* do it in a screamier tone.

Overall, this record delivers. Presenting a total of 16 "standards" and nailing damn-near *every* one of them -- especially for someone whose first language isn't the one being sung -- is an incredible accomplishment. I'm so, so impressed with Hiro's vocal talent after hearing this record and its follow up 'Coco d'Or 2' (which takes on more modern compositions) that SPEED recordings are, to me, bullet-proof at this point.

Hiro began singing publicly by *at least* the age of 9 (I tried to find the youTube video, with no result), and has been consistently praised as a competent vocalist ever since. This album is far from being an egotistical display, without the stuffiness that most jazz albums present, and it impresses me with how much it *grooves*. From pretty to powerful, and all-points-in-between, the only conclusion is that Hiro can perform, and she cares about little else. There's no need to reinvent herself or try to become an icon -- those weren't the goals of this record. Sometimes you have to remind yourself, "this is the girl that used to be in SPEED" and after that, you think, "damn! Good job outta you!"

What really rings true is that the "old-fashioned" things, like songs and films, on the surface, tend to be tamer than anything created recently. But from an adult perspective, many of those have deeper implications than anything hot-off-the-press. Some of the old black-and-white films are more offensive, show more drunken behavior, and have cigarette-smoking as a birthright, untamed beyond any single-etendre work being filmed today. Such is the case for these classic songs. When Hiro sings, "you'd be so nice by the fire" she sure ain't talkin' about eating cheese cubes. Nudge, nudge, know-wut-I-mean?

(Extra-special thanks to the editors of Wikipedia (yeah, yeah, it's all *lies*) for help in researching this broad tapestry of recordings, youTube for providing proof for some of these legendary previous recordings, and as a footnote... Coco d'Or recordings *can* be found on the internet, if you just know where to look. Eventually, you'll feel guilty and buy them outright.)

Smugness / You Haven't Heard the Last of Me

Just to let everyone know, L.A. Story Part 7 is in the works but it won't happen until at least next week. I've got some personal business to tend to and you'll just have to deal with it (as I will). Just wanted to let you know it's coming, I'm working on it, and it won't be too long.

In the meantime, I thought I'd assemble a quick guide to commenting (on any site) and I'll feel better about myself for trying. People of the internet, please try to avoid these common spelling mistakes in the future:

"Awful" is spelled with one 'L'.

"Definitely" contains the word 'definite' and you simply add "LY" to the end. Common misspellings include "definately", "defiantly" (unless you actually want to use the word "defiantly"), and "evar".

"Kudos" is spelled just like that. You'd think people would get *that* one right, after all, it's the name of a candy bar... which doesn't sell too well, so maybe that's why. But for all the "kutoes" and "cudoes" that I've read, damn, man... go to a convenience store once in a while! (The Brits might call it a 'Petrol Shop', but they might call it a 'Sir Chauncewell' for all I know.) By the way, the word "kudos" is singular, so you can say "much kudos" but not "many kudos".

If you're going to call someone a "loser", best not to spell it wrong -- mostly I see "looser", which is the opposite of "tighter", as in, "turn the screw to the left and it gets looser." -or- "Since I've been dieting, my pants have felt looser." Say, did anyone watch last week's episode of The Biggest Loser? Everyone's clothes seemed looser. If you didn't watch it, I think you're a loser. (Apparently I'm a loser.)

How about "your" when it's supposed to be "you're" ("you are"). "You're an idiot if you can't keep your grammar straight. Your comment seems irrelevant when you're clearly not capable of using the right words."

"Allot" means to give or apportion, as a share or task. It does not mean "many" as in "there are a lot of people misusing the word "allot". I should get a team together and allot some time to educate people on how to use the word correctly."

"Should have" should have been used whenever you see "should of". No further comment.

Except for, okay, I *do* feel better. Hang on, the best is yet to come.

L.A. Story, Part 5: "May I Ask One More Question?"

So where was I? I mean, besides Los Angeles, at the Morning Musume show... Oh, that *was* where I left off.

After the show we geared up for the Hello!Party and I was so looking forward to presenting 'Boogie Train '03' in karaoke form. Unfortunately my voice was pretty well shot for the rest of the week from yelling at the Chinese girls, just to piss off CFB. Just kidding, I did a lot of yelling at the show (often at more appropriate times) and I would have ruined that song in my state.

So as luck would have it, I didn't get a chance to do that song, nor the repetitive 'Ramutara' as a duet with Lampshade. Either one would have been fun. But as the evening quickly wore on, I knew that karaoke time was almost over. So the last selection was 'Monkey Dance', a 5-minute romp brought to you by a guy who couldn't sing. Maybe he'd just blown his voice out, too.

Before that, there was a trivia game where the last question went as follows: "On Fujimoto Miki's 'Futarigoto' episode, she drew a picture of a poodle and was quite impressed with her artistic abilities. Draw a poodle the way she did." Correct me if I'm wrong, but this is not a real trivia question. Might make for a fun game of some sort but really, there's no "answer" to this. The closest recreation of that quickly-drawn "dog" won. (For all the outsiders, I'm not going to explain who Miki is, nor lay out the premise of 'Futarigoto', but if you'd seen it, you'd know.)

Another fun game-turned-snafu was the "guess the song" game, where two teams raced each other to identify a song based on its opening strains. The problem with this is that a number of songs take a little while to get started. Such was the case, in particular, for the song "Rainbow Pink", which starts as a fade-in dialogue between Shige & Koha. Only those of us who've heard the song ten million times would be able to identify it from the first few seconds... apparently, many others had, because the correct answer was quickly given. Lots of people claimed to have not heard anything at all, as if it was some act of telepathy on the contestants' part.

I only ended up seeing one round of the 'dangling game', and I think that was the one-and-only round. What made it all the more interesting is that the item being dangled was hard to identify even if you *could* see it: a peeled coconut. As the contestants were not shrieky idols like the Musume can be, they calmly let the stagehands bonk them in the head with a dangling coconut, but were just as confused as we were.

As it turns out, I spent a decent amount of time in the bar upstairs because I have a half-track mind. We talked to a middle-aged guy who looked quite comfortable hanging out at the bar, and he said something like, "yanevrbablt' unerstndnirshmn?" So I stared at Matt until Matt finally told me, 'he says he's from Ireland'. So at least then I knew what I was listening for, and communicating became a little easier. He could understand *me* perfectly, though. But he'd also had a number of drinks called "A.M.F.'s" which stands for "Adios, [two-word expression not repeatable on television]". It's a drink that contains, like, 500% alcohol and comes in electric blue (like Windex). It also tastes like Windex, and I would know, because I drink a glass of Windex every night. (The joke is that I'd never have to clean the glass.) This was the same drink that the Big Guy from Vegas was downing by the gallon a couple of nights before, in a completely different bar. So now I know what the 'in' drink is, or at least how to get plastered in a hurry.

The thing that impressed me most about the Hello!Party was Matt dancing up a storm when the moment called for it. Sorry, you just didn't seem like the type (and even now, you still don't seem like the type) to just get up and dance like a crazy person, albeit very well.

I got outta there before the wotagei segment started. After being bowled over by Matt's dancing, and feeling like a fish out-of-water for all the miscues I had during the actual concert, I *knew* that I'd look like a stick in the mud just sitting there while everyone (with knowledge) would be sweating like crazy.

They would *of course* be presenting Fujimoto's 'Romantic Ukare Mode'. I understand that this song is, like, *the* wota song. But even as I listen to it while I write this, I'm still not sure why this song became the 'wet dream' for all those wota to focus on. Someone want to fill me in?

Well, the next day we headed down to LACC to catch the small (but important) Tsunku Q&A session, transcribed here (thanks for doing this, maiZe!) If there was ever a chance to get the straight dope on H!P, Tsunku was the guy to ask. I thought that most of the questions were really good, and Tsunku gave fairly good answers, very calm and calculated, as one would expect from a guy who's held the entertainment world by its ears for over a decade.

I've got to pull apart a couple of his answers, because I'm reading this transcript and scratching my head in a couple of places. For anyone who wasn't there, this transcript is very accurate. As I read it, I'm reminded of what I was thinking while he gave those answers; again, most of them were very thoughtful and insightful, it's just a couple of things that make me wonder.

First, he said, "...rhythm is something that hasn’t really been valued in Japanese culture and Japanese music and that is something that I stepped into."

Historically, maybe the Japanese as a whole do not value rhythm over other musical qualities. Their folk music certainly depends on other aesthetics. They certainly weren't at the forefront of rock n' roll or hip-hop as each respectively came into the mainstream. But has this guy ever heard of a thing called taiko? I'm fairly sure that there's a strong element of rhythm in that. Plus, in my experience with Jpop, I've never once thought, "these people really need to learn about a thing called 'rhythm'". Even Ms. Kayo Aiko with her two left feet can throw down on some serious groove. SPEED was doing it before that. Pink Lady and the Peanuts had some pretty good rhythm as well. So, I suppose he can say he 'stepped into' something, but a commanding-leadership-of-the-committee-to-reinforce-rhythm-on-behalf-of-a-nation? Admit that you've had some help, Mr. Tsunku, and a great weight will be lifted from your shoulders.

The other thing I had trouble digesting was this fun quote: "When ["How Do You Like Japan?"] started, I could tell that the audience was really excited. I liked how there were some audience members who thought they already figured out what kind of songs Morning Musume was going to be singing and they were about to leave the concert, but when “How Do You Like Japan?” started they turned around and came back."

This is straight out of Tsunku's fantasy world, and it DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. First, if there actually *were* people leaving during the concert which lasted an hour and a half, I don't want to know who those people are. They certainly weren't sitting in our section. I mean, even when the concert was over, we refused to leave until they threatened to remove us with deadly force. I saw no one leaving in disappointment, and if they did, and if anyone figures out who those people were, I promise them a good severe beating with glowsticks.

Second, if even *one* person showed up to the concert thinking, "I'm going to leave if all they do are the 'hits'", they came for the wrong reason. They could have done "Love Machine" 30 times in a row and even the most casual fan would have stayed. No one went with the sole purpose of criticizing the setlist as the "same ol', same ol'" because whatever song they were singing was effectively the first time they sang the song on American soil. Casual fans would have stuck around to see that.

Last, even the most fickle fairweather fan in attendance for that concert wouldn't have had a thought process like this. "Aw, cripes, 'Love Machine'???? You've got to be kidding me! That's it, I'm leaving; I was expecting to hear songs that I've never heard before... Holy shit, is this 'How Do You Like Japan'? I love this song; I've never heard it before! I think I'll stay!"

Besides Tsunku's version of perhaps a different show than the one we attended, another WTF factor was thrown in by some of the people who were lucky enough to ask a question. I'm speaking, of course, about the people who just couldn't understand that they were one of *many* in attendance, and that the rules didn't seem to apply to them when it came to asking Mr. Tsunku a question.

So, we could have gotten a few more questions in, had most of the questioners saved their gushing for a more appropriate time. Here you are, you get a chance to ask a decent question to a decent guy, and most questions started with something like, "Let me just say what an honor this is, and I'm a huge fan, and you're like a god to me... So, my question is..."

Yeah, yeah, we all respect the guy and think he's just friggin' awesome. I get it. Some of us flew across the country, and around the world, just to see his group and get a chance to ask him a question. So ask him the question and don't waste his, yours, or my time explaining the obvious... was it too much to ask?

Next, some people who even got the chance to ask him a question would hear the answer and then ask, "May I ask one more question?" Uh, that *itself* is a question. You've had two questions, now, so no. NEXT? "Just one more question?" Yet another question, that's three, so again, no. When the translator-lady needs to remind you that you aren't the *only* person in line, you've gone too far. Let others have a chance. Seriously, what's your deal?

Overall, though, the session was very relaxed and very inspiring. But if I could have asked a couple of questions of "the man" himself, I would have asked:

1.) What's your songwriting process? What inspires you to write any given song? On what instrument do you normally compose the chord progressions? Do you record a demo tape or write out the sheet music? At what point do you decide you have a core idea, when do you pass it along to an arranger, and how much of the finished product do you actually create?

2.) How do you prepare yourself for recording sessions for songs where your incidental vocals appear in Morning Musume's songs, et al? Like when C-ute recorded "LA LA LA Shiawase no Uta", did you just *know* that the song wouldn't be complete without you saying "Oh YAY!" over the breakbeats?

...Stuff like that. For me, it's all about the music. If the music was crap, I'd have focused my attention on something else a long time ago. But the winning combination for Morning Musume has been beauty, character, and as well, music with integrity. And the fact that the writing comes mainly from *one* guy... that's a tough act to follow.

After that, I spent a mostly free Saturday on my own in L.A., but I headed down to the Convention Center after returning to the hotel and finding Tom's key-card on the desk. I thought he'd want it back... plus, I hadn't yet bought any CD's from the H!P booth, and thought I'd kill two birds with one stone.

Never did find Tom, but when I approached the H!P booth, the gentleman working there asked me, "can I help you?" My response was, "yes, I'd like *one* of these, *two* of these, and *one* of these, please..." Well I never saw a person go from zero to sixty so fast in my life. I know that they'd been slugging it out for two-and-a-half days, and when it rained, it poured. At that point, they'd sold the lion's share, and very few people were approaching the booth with any intention to buy by the time Saturday rolled around. So my willingness to buy, coupled with not-another-person-asking, 'where can I get an autograph?' really turned this guy back into a salesman.

As far as autographs went, Saturday was apparently the day to do it, as all the people who were promised them but hadn't yet got them were to be fulfilled that day. I spent a bit of time with some familiar faces as they waited for the queue to form. Unfortunately, like most other AX events, they hadn't decided the proper way to do this until it was actually happening. So they were *actively* shooing people away from the queueing area to cover up for their own lack-of-planning, and might I say it was straight-up annoying... and I wasn't even there to get an autograph, just to hang out with the people who *were*.

So the autograph-seekers spent time at nearby booths, feigning interest in their wares, waiting for some official signal for the line to form. If the powers-that-be would have just started a line, all the autograph-seekers would have queued respectfully and not caused a problem. Instead, AX saw to it that anyone who was trying to queue up peaceably became a troublemaker, a sort-of "stay off-a my grass" mentality that didn't sit well with this otherwise-introspective group.

I took my CD purchases back to the hotel with me and stopped off at California Pizza Kitchen on the way. I sat at the bar and enjoyed a Southwest Chicken Pizza, which came with a bullet of each: salsa, guac, and sour cream. Knowing that I didn't want to keep just *one* piece in the hotel fridge, (I can't believe) I ate the whole thing. The bartender there was a kindly Asian man who dealt with a couple of customers, who (keeping in mind it was, like, 2PM on a Saturday) ran down the list of alcoholic beverages, only to find that they had an extremely limited bar. One of them asked the bartender how to get a job as an L.A. bartender, and I presume that the fellow was working on a script.

The television there was tuned to some football-like tourrnament; and the Asian bartender, as well as the Hispanic chef, collectively asked me what sport was being played. I told them that it was either rugby, or Australian football, but I wasn't sure which. Turns out it was rugby, but I felt like the most-knowledgable person on the planet for a minute-or-so.

Back to the autographs, then. By that point I hadn't seen an autograph ticket, nor dedicated myself to spending umpteen hours waiting for one. Forgive my holier-than-thou attitude on this point, but I've just got to clarify...

I did not fly from Iowa to California just to get an autograph. My whole purpose was to see the show and support the group. And I'd done so by that point. My take on celebrity seems quite different from a lot of people. It's all well and good to show up to a venue, get one's kicks by seeing one's favorite celebrity in the flesh, and take some pleasure from it. I also understand -- I'm not being disparaging to those who *did* get autographs -- the desire to get an autograph. But I just didn't feel it was my place to force the girls to give me a tangible piece of themselves.

I'm told that the autograph session was performed very hurriedly, and although it was a chance to see them up-close and get a brief moment alone with each of them, I'm glad I stayed away from the occasion. I returned home with a renewed sense of respect for the girls as performers, and I'm not sure I'd have taken away the same impression had I been one-of-many who was forcing them to sign-sign-sign, and be done with it. I kept my distance, and (in my opinion) did not cheapen the long-distance bond that we've had for some time. You may see it differently. Hey, that's cool...

Last, a few unrelated pictures... first, a view of downtown from the venue:

The "I Don't Know Why I Shot This" view of West L.A. from the hotel hallway (dig the backed-up freeway)...

And lastly, the "Holy Crap, I can see the HOLLYWOOD sign from here" shot, with Griffith Observatory being the next-most-prominent landmark from the far-left...

L.A. Story, Part 4: "The Concert"

I had made a reservation at Takami Sushi the night before the concert. It's a swank little place on the 21st floor (there's even a patio area) in the middle of downtown. Since I had made the reservation before the trip started, it was only for Tom and me. But we brought along our new friends Lamp and Matt, and Takami had no trouble accomodating. It was a good place, although to be honest I've had sushi that was just as good here in Iowa; since the prices are similar, I enjoyed it. We were the only ones there who weren't wearing collared shirts... but the restaurant itself told me via email (it took them only 8 minutes to reply to my question) that jeans and sneakers were acceptable attire.

The other side of the 21st floor is an even-more-classy nightclub called Elevate, and it actually advertises itself as a filming location, if you have any movies that need to be shot there. Among other music videos filmed there, Britney Spears' "Womanizer" chose it as a location... I know, that's your favorite song, how cool is that? Upscale attire is mandatory for that side of the building, but anyone who doesn't consider a Tanaka Reina t-shirt to be formal wear is waay too uptight for my tastes.

Afterwards, Matt and Lamp dragged me to the AX After Dark dance in the Westin. We were ID'd 3 times within a few steps, then given a wristband to show that we were over 21. Hold on to that thought. We were told that if we took off our shoes, we'd be booted from the party. Okay. Every wild party I've ever been to starts when someone says, "I'm taking off my shoes!" I paid 80 bucks for my new Nike's just a week before I left, so they were staying on my feet.

Why the wristband, I don't know. They weren't serving alcohol (although maybe the pretzels were laced or something), and on top of that the whole venue smelled like a big armpit. So we made one pass through the place, found only a few people lounging about, and headed directly for the Bonaventure Brewing Company. I mean, we'd just spent our day in the presence of Morning-friggin'-Musume, and we had to celebrate.

We had ourselves many a drink that evening before we joined forces with another Musume fangroup. The leader of that group was a big bald guy with a moustache, and if his name isn't Vinny, he should change it to that, 'cause I can totally see it.

In contrast to our group's collective misfortune of being shut out from the autograph session, this dude was *there*. So he was excited, and at that point had a lot to drink. So he was practically (by which I mean he pretty much was) yelling about his love of the group, in an hilarious monologue that could not be aired on television. We just doubled over in laughter, he was so excited. I felt a little embarrassed about his choice of language but believe me, I couldn't have done anything about it. And we all just enjoyed the moment. I repeatedly told him, "that's so cool, I'm happy for ya." Well anyway, we shut down the bar with those guys and we knew that if anyone wanted to give us any trouble, we'd just send in the big drunk guy.

With our evening capped off from all that weight-training and zen meditation (by way of listening to the big guy tell us all the explicit things he would do to our beloved Musume), we were in perfect shape for the concert the next day.

The queue formed at 12:30, and the concert began at 2:30. We'd gotten there early and hung outside the venue listening to Morning Musume do a soundcheck. If you could jump high enough, you could see the VTR screens, and in addition, the speakers were loud enough to confirm that they were in there practicing away. Moze and I grabbed a quick $85 lunch at the AX cafeteria and got in line. Since our seats were already confirmed on the ticket, there was really no reason to show up at 12:30, but what else did we have to do?

AX decided that the best place to queue was in the sun outside the venue. They went around with bullhorns and threatened to kick us out of the concert if we tried to take pictures. Okay, we got it. Nope, tell us again...

Not much happened in line, although we talked to a guy from, what-was-it, North Carolina(?) who was in his late 50's and like us, had come all the way to AX to see the Musume concert. When we finally got to our seats, we met up again with Mage, who told us about C-Zone, another Jpop girl group who'd be doing a couple of smaller shows in the merchant hall on Sunday.

A guy just a couple of seats over noticed that Moze and I didn't have glowsticks so he offered one to each of us. Giving me what was presumed to be a pink glowstick, he asked, 'do you like Sayu?' I replied that I did, in fact, think myself a fan of Sayu and graciously accepted the gift. It turned out to be orange, which I'm told is Kamei Eri's color, but that's not the point. I had a glowstick and whoever's color I happened to get was the one I would claim. I had made a declaration on this site some months ago that I was planning to kidnap Eri if I ever saw her in person, and although she's safe for now, there's always next time.

They blared AC/DC music from one of their newer albums for most of the pre-show time. Huh. Eventually they started playing those terrible AX promo videos on the VTR, and one of those was the 'Tour of Little Tokyo' video, where they hung out by the 'red thing' like we did, and the music was '3, 2, 1, Breaking Out!' so whenever it started all the fans would mime along with glowsticks, until the music stopped abruptly and everyone went, 'Awwww...' until the video was over. This happened several times.

As for the show, well, it was all new to me, but not to the seasoned Japanese veterans in front of us who had two glowsticks of every color in the waiting. I've seen a few concert DVD's in my life and I knew what was to come. The group took the stage, everyone stood up, and the short girl behind me got upset about it. Okay, fine; for your sake, we will all sit quietly and watch the Musume perform. Not a chance. To that girl, I'm sorry a thousand times if you couldn't see over me, but clearly AX does not care about you, and it was not in the plans when they decided to hold such an event with a flat viewing area. I'd have sat down if it meant you could have seen the stage better, but the reality was that neither of us would have been able to see the show at that point.

Hopefully I have a few fresh things to say about the concert which everyone's already been talking about, because my knowledge of performance (from both an audience and a performer's perspective) is one of my strong points. You all may watch Haromoni like it's going out of style, but I know what a good concert should be.

From my perspective, it was great. I was in the seventh row, center, and I could see everything and hear everything. Anywhere else in the hall, further back or more to the side, I don't know. I don't think the hall was ideal, just a square room with a concrete floor and some 8,000 yay-hoo's (myself included) going nuts as the show went on as planned. I don't know what the view was from the back of the hall, and frankly, I don't care, because I had a great seat.

The girls sang and danced wonderfully. It was guaranteed to be epic just based on circumstance. But overall, it seemed kinda shoddy. The sound system was pushed beyond a comfortable limit, even sounding 'broken' in certain parts of the show. The girls deserve some sort of medal for being able to put on a decent performance with all that sound just beating 'em in the head. Sayu was particularly off-key in a few places, but again, with the sound system, it's hard to blame her, and if you were there to hear recorded-quality music, ya should have stayed home and listened to the CD. I, on the other hand, pretty much stared a hole through Koharu, but I managed to get a glimpse of all the other girls; enough time that I could pick them out in a police lineup after they mugged me on the street.

Next issue was the space for the audience. At one point (I think it was) Reina advised us, 'everybody JUMP!' and my reply was, 'this is not advisable, Reina!' as we would either rack ourselves on the chair-back in front of us, or the chair-seat behind us. My legs touched the chair behind me the whole time, and likewise, my waist touched the chair in front of me. I could not jump, although I wanted to.

Then there was the strange choice of the setlist. The girls came out and performed all their songs but one, and then Tsunku came out to announce the winners of the AMV (amateur music video) contest. We heard '3, 2, 1, Breaking Out! (Short Version)' three times while the winnning videos were played, and the girls danced to themselves every time the song played. Yossie, under the alias 'HANGRY' (which fooled no one) came out to explain that Rika (a.k.a. ANGRY) could not make it to Los Angeles because she was 'angry'. Lame, lame, lame joke. No one really needed an explanation for her absence, but having offered that, clearly they could have come up with a better excuse.

The audience's energy was sapped by the end of the presentation, and the girls wrapped up the show by doing '3, 2, 1, Breaking Out!' for a second time. It was a blink-or-you'll-miss-it kind of thing. By the time our energy had picked up again, the song was nearly over. They said their goodbyes and left the stage. 8,000 people chanted "EN-CO-RU!" for what I'm told was 12 full minutes but no encore was given. Instead, several of the AX crowd-controllers came out looking frustrated and waved their arms like a football referee does when a field goal kick is called 'not good'. Someone got on the microphone and said, 'the show has ended, please exit to your right' and AX staffers along the way ordered us to keep moving, like it was some sort of weird death march. I am a fast walker, and I was going as fast as the crowd would allow me, and they kept yelling at us to keep moving. We were moving, dammit.

It was clear -- and I love you guys and thank you all for the hard work putting the show together and all the time you spent that week -- but it was *clear* that no one on staff knew who they were dealing with. No one even bothered to come up with a hypothetical for the outcome of the show. A sane group would have thought, "you know, this group is known for having some real fanatics; what do we do if they refuse to leave the venue?" Did they think that we would file out quietly and just accept that the show was over? The decision which the AX staff decided to go with is this: act confused, tell everyone to leave immediately, and be staunch about it. Tell everyone to keep moving.

Mr. Tsunku, was an appropriate encore for your first actual American show just a repeat of *one* song? Did you hear the frenzy that was 8,000 people calling for an encore? Just wondering.

Oh well, I've seen Morning Musume in concert. And not just any concert, but the first (and until they get so popular over here that we can't get rid of them, the *only*) concert on the US mainland. I was sweating like crazy while it was going on, I've never pumped my arm so many times in my life. I lost my voice for about a week yelling along with the songs and as well, in responding to the MC parts, where they asked us questions like, 'Minna-san genki desu ka?' (Reina got that honor) As I and others have mentioned, the appropriate American response to that question is "I'M FUCKIN' GENKI!'

They did the song I had expected them to do, "Ame no Furanai, etc...." with the Chinese solo lines, and when those occured, even in the seventh row, you could not hear them singing. I know at least one other fellow blogger was perturbed by that; I decided the opposite, and every time I hear that song, I'm reminded of how much support we gave to JunJun and LinLin. Sure, I may crack a few jokes about how I won't accept Chinese Musume, I mean, I really think it goes against the whole point of the group, but whatever... the American crowd clearly has their backs. And all that disrupting of the song was intended to be support on their behalf. Yeah, we ruined the best part of the song, but it's seriously one of the best moments in audio-recording history, and we just had to say something to show our love.

In conclusion, I don't think I can ever go to an American concert again that doesn't include choreographed yelling, glowstick waving, and fist pumping. Aside from seeing Slayer in a tiny little Iowa venue, for me it was Best. Concert. Ever. Minus the glowstick waving, the Slayer show was pretty similar, although I was further back in the crowd for that.

Well then, next episode (maybe there'll be pretty pictures for that)... Part 5, including Hello!Party and the Tsunku Q & A session, et al. Bai bai!

Oh, and One More Thing

...before I get back to business. I just spotted this "new" SPEED album and apparently they are agressively besmirching their own past with this one. No new songs, just re-workings of all the old songs that got me into them in the first place. Put me down for 'negative one' copies of this, please. Better yet, I should buy one just to make a video of its destruction at my hands. Seriously, what the fuck is going on?

NOOOOOOO! Just, NOOOOOOO!

I thought I made my point clear enough the last time they did this:

"...my main opposition to this recording is that, look, Hiro and Eriko are ten years older now, and they're not screaming at the top of their lungs like they used to. Which happens to be their old trademark, and what endeared me to those old songs in the first place. Anybody who tries to build a time machine and go back to give them some control or nuance that they didn't have then should be killed before a good thing gets ruined." [Too late...] [Emphasis added -Ed.]

"Ladies, you're all beautiful and talented, but if this isn't you anymore, don't pretend. ...you already recorded it years ago, and we still have it on CD. And for every imitation you do of your thirteen-year-old selves, I wonder whether it's because you think you can do it better now, or because you think it'll be just as good as it was before (or the third, most likely answer: because the producers demanded it). Seriously, I can put the old (real) 'STEADY' on repeat for weeks at a time if I miss it that much.

I don't mind the new 'heavier' backing tracks ...and someday we may get to hear the new music with the old voices. But time has moved on, and ...no matter how hard you try (with every available technology), you just can't recapture a moment."

I Like Everything...

...don't you just *hate* that? Warning: diatribe follows.



One of the things I accidentally left out of my Things that Tick Me Off post is something that I suppose doesn't tick me off, but instead, puzzles me to no end. People who say that they 'hate' (no, I mean really, *hate*) a certain idol or idols, yet are just as much in love with their favorite idol as I am with Ms. Kayo Aiko.

People who worship one idol and outwardly despise another... these are people that I don't want to know, really. For example, there are plenty of Kusumi-haters out there (you know who you are, you heartless bastards!), and also, plenty of people who love to hate Ms. Mitsui Aika (pictured above). When I look at that picture I don't feel anything even approaching animosity. I used to be indifferent to Aika, because to me she was relatively unknown and there were plenty of other Musume to focus on.

Look at my track record so far... I reviewed the Girls Box Movie (and liked it), brought up some of my favorites: SPEED, Perfume and Capsule, every Morning Musume album, Slayer... and I had good things to say about all of them. So why post a picture of Aika and say anything negative about her? Well, I'm not going to. I like Mitsui, and I like her alot. Damn right I do.

Yeah, I could nitpick and deconstruct her, mention how she's not as good of a dancer or singer as (insert random Musume here). I could talk about how the nickname 'Moonface' is seemingly apt -- Paul, we need another Chris post -- or how she actually did look kinda scary to me when she joined up... maybe it's all those teeth, she looks like she *does* bite:



..and if she does, well, no cutting into the queue! I'm in my rightful place, waiting to get bitten. But I digress.

Bringing up such a polarizing personality as Ms. Mitsui might get a reaction from some people, good or bad. I've been on both sides of the fence with her, from in the past possibly wishing she'd go away, to now, where I'm contemplating starting a site dedicated to her... hmm, moonface.blogspot.com? Naw, I just don't have the time; besides, if anyone, it's Saito Michi, then Nacchan, then a toss up between Sasaki Nozomi or Ogura Yuko.

I remember buying some °C-ute songs from iTunes, looking at the cover, and wondering, 'who *are* these people?' Some of them, I swore, I would not be a big fan of, especially Chisato, with this haircut:



I tried to think positively, that she was just as much a part of the group as all the rest, bad haircut and photograph and all. I just couldn't get past how boyish and strange she looked. Luckily, my reaction wasn't enough to go online and trumpet how much I despised her, nor ask ad nauseam, 'what's up with *this chick*?' By that point I'd had enough experience to know that if she was any good, I'd find out sooner or later. Nowadays, her signature adorns my wall, along with those of the rest of the °C-ute ensemble. And I treasure it. Chisato, sweetheart -- you ever need a place to crash, lemme know...

So after that ordeal, and seeing Mitsui Aika in a swimsuit (yowza!), it's not like I'm going to disown her as a Musume or as a person. All readers -- love her or hate her -- I'll say 'hi' for ya when I see her in Los Angeles.

Sorry, but this blog will remain a place of praise. Might be a little tiresome after a while if you keep reading my reviews and find out that I like everything I see or hear. Well, I don't, actually, and if you knew me better you'd be tired of my complaints by now. But when it comes to Japanese pop music and idol culture, I'm kind of biased.

My previous post mentioned how music is good for you, in a very real way. And I thought that finding Berryz Kobo, °C-ute, and Kusumi Koharu was a quasi-fountain-of-youth, bordering on the legend of Elizabeth Báthory in terms of extending my life without scientific proof.

With all the real things I have to complain about, Japanese pop songs (and the personalties behind them) are nice to have. Furthermore, none of these girls would hurt a fly (or you), unless they asked me to do the honors, whilst playing up the whole cute-and-scared angle.

So why all the hate?

It goes without saying that most of the internet is populated by well-meaning but loudmouthed teenagers who simply *must* project their thoughts into the world, whether those thoughts are rational or not. But even adults want to spread hate about their least-favorite idol, and these are the people I'm speaking out against.

If you can't stand Japanese pop, fine; but please, don't be a hypocrite. I'm already puzzled enough.

For the last time, then, here goes. If you're a Jpop lover, but still claim to hate certain idols, I've got to call you out, here and now. Of all the things you might have reason to complain about, why are you so down on some teenage girl from Japan who sings and acts cute?

Are you more attractive than she is? Are you worth more as a person than she is?

Then why the heck aren't people watching your videos and buying your records?

Again, love to Ms. Mitsui Aika, even if it makes me seem uninteresting. Seriously, why do you harbor hatred for specific little Japanese girls?

As a postscript, does anyone know Mitsui's 'concert color'? Or, For-The-Win, can anyone point me to a list of *all* the Musume's colors? I want to show my support (and recognize others' allegiances) at AX, 48 days from today.

SPAM! in the place where you live...

A little off-topic from the subject of JPop, but I'll share this with you, because it appears to be of the utmost importance.

I don't often get spam (or any other email) in my jyoru1211@gmail.com address, and was surprised to find a message entitled 'Dearest' in my inbox, from someone I don't know and who may well not exist at all.  I simply *must* reply to this email with my bank account information and other sensitive data, because I believe every word.

"My dearest," she writes, "I am writing this mail with tears and sadness and pains. I  know it will come to you as a suprise since we haven't known or come across each other before, but kindly bear with me at this moment."

-Okay, I'm bearing with you. I am also 'lion-ing' and 'tiger-ing' with you. Here's to hoping that we never 'know' or 'come across' each other, ever.

"I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. My situation at hand is miserable but I trust in God and hope you will be of my help."

-*Not* out of the ordinary. Buy me a beer sometime and I'll tell you how miserable my 'situation at hand' is.

'She' goes on to say that she is the 25-year-old daughter of Ibrahim Baré Maïnassara, the fallen Nigerian president. 'She' includes a link to a BBC story regarding that assassination. 'Her' stepmother was cruel enough to steal away 'her' passport and "other valuable documents" but luckily 'she' was able to hold on to some sensitive information regarding a great amount of 'her' 'father's' capital.

"I am seeking for longterm relationship and investment assistance."

-Listen, lady, no longterm relationship. Friends-with-benefits, maybe. Investment assistance? Gimme all your money.

She proceeds with the unlikely story of needing my bank information to transfer an ungodly sum into my account. Followed by: "Therefore, I decide to seek for your help in transferring the money into your bank account while I will relocate to your country and settle down with you."

-Whoa, stop right there. You are seeking for longterm relationship and you'll settle down with me? Just give me the freakin' money already and forget this other stuff.

"I have my fathers death certificate and the account number which I will give you as soon as you indicated your interest to help me."

-Good to know that a death certificate has an account number. As for indicating my interest, yep, I'm interested, so give me the account number already.

"It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the total money for your assitance and the balance shall be my investment in any profitable venture which you will recommend to me as have no any idea about foreign investment."

-My 'assitance' is worth more than 20%. It is pretty clear that you have no any idea about foreign investment, or conventions of the English language.

"I will send you my photos in my next email."

-That will assist me in my decision of whether we should have longterm relationship and settle down.

I have no reservations about sending my bank account number, Social Security Number, and measurements to this person. Anybody have any reason why I shouldn't? It sounds so believable...

And furthermore, is anyone out there really dumb enough to believe this shit?

I love Kayo Aiko, with a passion. That is all.

Platinum9DISC recap

I bought 'Platinum9DISC' from JapanFiles last night and gave it a few whirls in the past day. I know I'm a bit late to the party on this, but seeing as how this was the first Real MM album I was 'present' for, I thought I'd go over the material and make some points for discussion. I've listened to every Morning Musume album, maybe not in that order, specifically, but you'd think I'd know a thing or two about them.

If you're comparison-shopping, consider my favorites, in this order: 5, 2, 3, 7, 4, 1, 7.5, 8, 6.

Where to start? I think that overall this record was exactly what I was expecting. That's not a bad thing, at all. Coming off what I would consider an artistic peak of the 'Cover You' album, it seemed like the group was ready to turn another corner and re-start the original ass-kicking on a whole other level. Well, between listening to this record and getting a chance to see them live in LA this summer, I'm totally back on the Morning Musume boat.

1. SONGS
It takes a bit of time for this song to get off the ground, but once it kicks in, the polyrythm and voice-processing makes a great start to the album. It's almost a shell of a song, in fact, and it seems to be a way of saying 'strap yourself in for the ride'. Lots of synth sounds, very busy, but the tune is simple. I can just use my imagination to see the girls dancing about. I think the polyrhythm at the beginning of each verse is the best part, like, 'you think *you're* cool... well, here we come...'

2. Resonant Blue
I'm an unapologetic supporter of Resonant Blue, it's just an ass-kicker from front to back. The 'uu-ee' part is convincing enough, and the chorus part that begins with 'kanashimi no...' is the hook-from-hell, it just pushes the song into the highest gear possible. The one catch is whether they're saying 'happy' or 'help me' at the high point (it's 'help me', btw), so don't get too confused, it's not a happy song. Still, it's groovin'.

3. Ame no Furanai Hoshi de wa Aisenai darou?
I won't even try to give a translation, but something to do with love, the stars, and the rain not falling. The obligatory slow song from the first half of the album, it sounds hopeful. Though it may never top Aya's 'THE LAST NIGHT' or Berryz' 'BE' (good luck with *that*), it's enjoyable, and has a nice buildup. One of those songs that starts nice and quiet and before you know it you're going deaf, but all that does is make you turn it up all the more. I really like the addition of some Chinese words, so thanks, Chinese chicks, for taking it to the next level. Something 'THE LAST NIGHT' and 'BE' can't boast.

4. Take off is now!
Oh people, please listen to others online when it comes to good songs. I put this on repeat about five times this morning, trust me, everyone who says this song is good, they're right, completely. Tastefully executed; busy, yet consistent. Combining rock and heavy dance sounds, this song just WINS. I really hope this becomes a staple of the live show, as I would love to see them sing it in person, and they'd better bring dozens of colored strobes to accompany them. My only gripe on this song is that the 'outro' is much too short, it could really go on for about twenty more minutes before I got tired of it. Please please please, bring this song to the LA show, and make it so that the outro lasts about ten minutes while y'all get your freak on. I will still demand more, but it's a start.

5. Naichau Kamo
I will forever call this song 'Nacho Spider' but I really think it's cool. The video is okay, if you like watching girls cry; I'm sure that some misogynist is watching it non-stop right now. When they're not fake-crying, they look incredible, moreso than usual. But let's not let the video taint our impressions of this song. More hyper-dance from the group that does it so well, and even a part at the end of each chorus for idiots like me to recite 'naichau kamo kamo kamo kamo' with veracity, after the actual song has passed me by at a frightening pace. Not a big first-impression song, but this one will probably grow on listeners.

6. Watashi no Miryoku ni Kidzukanai Donkan'na Hito
I'm totally cool with Aika Mitsui getting her own song. How fitting for a 'turn the corner' album to feature Mitsui as the first solo song? Sounds a lot like most of the other songs on the record, hyper-synth-pop and all; at worst, a forgettable song, but it's not like she's not trying. I liked Mitsui before and in my future bleak days, will turn this on as a testament to individual accomplishment. More power to you, Mitsui. I'm the biggest reluctant fan you'll ever have.

7. Guruguru JUMP
Kusumi+Chinese Chicks=I'm digging it already. Is it upbeat? Another plus. Short sentences? Lots of 'em. Somebody should tell Kusumi that peppy songs are her forte. Yeah, there was hyper-beat on the previous songs, but let's step it up a bit. I don't have any words of wisdom here... either you like 'shopping spree' music or you don't. And if you don't, back the heck off of Kusumi, for crying out loud. She's seen several doctors to try and get that star-shaped tambourine out of her hand, there's just no cure, except for time itself.

8. Mikan
This is the song I'm hooked on, right now. When it came out I could have swore I've heard it before, but blame it on my love of Kusumi. This song is a total Koha-fix, top to bottom. No, let's make it catchier! Like Resonant Blue, the buildup to the chorus is worth it, and when it gets to the chorus, there's that extra push. I know no heavy metal song that kicks more ass, seriously. Be prepared to yell 'Oh yeah, one time!' when you get a chance. Oh, yeah.

9. Jounetsu no Kissu wo Hitotsu
The obligatory slow song for the back half of the album, featuring the same trio of singers from 'Take off is now!'. Of course, the second side always makes the slow song a bit more forceful. 'Dokusenyoku' from the 6th album might be an okay comparison, but 'Dokusenyoku' will always be better. Another stereo-buster, indeed, but just not as good; admittedly, it's a high bar to jump. The ending is abrupt and strange. I would hope for a better farewell from Niigaki, Takahashi, and Reina, so look for it in the future, if they ever decide to leave. Let's hope they don't, they're making some good music.

10. It's You
Who decided that a solo Sayu song was the way to go? I just wanna say thanks to that person. This song really does stand out on the album, and by comparison, (Berryz') Risako's 'REAL LOVE' seems flat and unexpressive, so that says something. Sayu's fans (and they're innumerable) are overwhelmed by this song. 'Hey you...' She's talking to ME! The sound of glass breaking at the climax of the song is one of the best touches UFA has put on one of the best songs I've heard in a while.

11. Onna ni Sachi Are
WARNING; if you should watch this video, each and every one of the girls will call you an idiot before it's over. Just take it in stride. I don't think I've mentioned hyper-dance in this post until now, but if you like that sort of thing, this is the group for you. This song does its job as the introduction to the current lineup of Musume. If you've listened this far and still need convincing, just turn it off and go back to your normal life. Otherwise, its placement here is just preaching to the choir. If we could just... get... to our... utility belt...

12. Kataomoi no Owari ni
Second to last song, better drink it in. Kamei Eri's chance to shine, and shine she does. Along the lines of the Mitsui song, it may not be your favorite, even if you're an Eri fan. Oh, who am I kidding, take it Eri! What more can I say? This song is representative of her personality and style on every level. Take it or leave it.

13. Kanashimi Twilight
A great song, no doubt, but I might be the only one who finds Fujimoto's voice a little out of place at this point. She's been gone for a while now, no shock to my readers, and suddenly she's on (and only on) the last track? Tsunku, you lazy so-and-so, please come up with a better ending than this. Keep this song where it is, fine... just give me some closure on this album. Again, not a bad song to close with, but if your thrust at this point is the future of this group (and it should be), less Yossie, and less Fujimoto on the last song. I suppose we'll wait another two years for #10, and it better be more cohesive than this.

So, overall, I will be listening to the album on a regular basis, because I want to get a feel for how terrible it is....

Things that Tick Me Off, Smugness, and the Best GD Record Ever Made

Well, I hope I don't come off too snotty with this post, so I'll try and keep it lighthearted and funny, and hopefully somebody agrees with me on some things. As this is my own forum, my own pink soapbox, where I call the shots, here goes. Don't be afraid to engage me in a debate on something; I try to keep an open mind and I don't like all the Internet-hate that tends to go around. We cool, just remember that.

Things that Tick Me Off

1. Comments (usually on youTube) where the commenter clearly hasn't spent even two seconds reading through the 10,000 previous comments that both answered their question and should have put the issue to rest.
You know what I'm talking about, random fan-vid, same thing over and over... "Q: That's a great song, who is this?" "A: It's Tom Petty." "Q: Who sings this song?" "A: Tom Petty." "Q: Wow, wish I knew who sang this song, who is it?" "A: Read the description, it's Tom Petty." "Q: Anyone know who this song is by?" "A: FOR ALL THE FIVE-YEAR-OLDS WHO CAN BUILD A TIME MACHINE BUT CAN'T READ COMMENTS, THE SONG IS BY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN!" "A: That doesn't sound like Bruce Springsteen, who is this?"

Dammit! Is your blood boiling yet? Comments that are relative are great, and often fun to read, but this, seriously, has got to stop. This is ridiculous. Half of all the information on the internet has got to be ignorant questions that have already been asked. I'm exaggerating, slightly, because most of the exchanges like the one above have some severe misspellings.

2. Comments that begin with "I'm a professional writer..." and about three words after that, it's clear that this person should *not* be allowed near a computer.
It's never good to appear snobbish so early on in your comment, then lose any dignity you might have had if you just left out that one crucial detail. A professional writer might have some good skills, like usage, punctuation, spelling, and the ability to research, just a little bit. "I'm a professional writer, and we's gotsta gets uss sum morales. I'm so tierd of..." I put a shirt on one time, and somebody looked at me, so I suppose I can call myself a model. Come on.

3. Any comment (usually of a political nature) that begins with "OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE" or, somewhere uses the word "sheeple".
They're not going to open their eyes. 'Sheeple' is apt about once every ten years. And we're all porfessional wirters.

4. People who post romanizations or translations (or both) then boldy state that if you repost, CREDIT ME.
Okay, now I'm getting back to the issue at hand. I'll give credit where it's due, no problem; thanks to JimBob for the translation, I can dig that. But if your precious time is so valuable, then do the work, translate the song/show, and then keep it for yourself, if you're just in it for the satisfaction. People know no bounds anyway; a quick copy/paste, and it's been lifted, end of story. Often, there might even be no malicious intent, but if they fail to give you credit, what's the deal? You neither invented the English or Japanese language, and you didn't write the song or script. Really, the finished product is enough to be satisfied with, unless you just NEED to have throngs of admirers, in which case, yay for you, you did it! Now go in the room with all the anonymous people who've done thankless work, whose names have been lost to history. The Bible would be twice as thick if they'd spent enough time thanking the translators. My concern lies with crediting the songwriters/screenwriters who both created the work out of thin air or solid inspiration, and who actually own the rights to the original work. It's not only good karma, but for those who might be searching for a similar work will benefit as well. So there, on to...

Smugness
I can't help but feel a little more worldly than some of my contemporaries for listening to foreign music, along with plenty of American selections. But let's not get out of hand. Some of the music you love so much (hey there, Tsunku!) might be viewed by anyone, including the Japanese, as the 'same old crap they always do', so don't kiss your own ass too much. In the sixties, when sitar music was just coming into Western vogue, there had to have been a few people thinking, 'The fuckin' sitar? Again?' What sounds exotic to you is normal for some people. What sounds normal to you is exotic to some other people. Madonna, Mr. Kenny Chesney, and Britney are all being clamored for *as we speak* in foreign countries, because they just love how fresh it all sounds compared to their normal fare. I could care more about these artists, admittedly, but listening to the new Tanaka Reina song on repeat (Really? When's that coming out?) does *not* put you in a category above the rest of the music-listening world. It just means that's what you're into. Still, there is that possibility that you're listening to something so untouchable, so expressive, that you may in fact be touching God himself, in terms of worldliness. Which brings me to:

The Best GD Record Ever Made
...and I pity anyone who doesn't know about it or hasn't heard it by now. You've had plenty of time, OPEN YOUR EYES PEOPLE. Capsule's 'More! More! More!' is, to me, as note-perfect as any record ever will be. And you're still stuck on Led Zeppelin, you fool. I'll go so far as to say I will refund your $10 (you're up a penny, even) if you download this record from iTunes and it doesn't seriously, unapologetically, change your mind about the way music *should be*. You may have heard techno, you may even have heard Jpop, but you've never heard such a successful marriage of the two until you've lost some hearing in both ears from testing your stereo with this gem. As a lover of Pink Floyd's even-most-trite sound experiments, I say with no hesitation that when the smoke clears, and after you pick up all those pieces of speaker that have been blown across your home/car, when the record's over, you'll want to hear it again. And again, and again. "Q: That's a real good album, who's it by?"

New Stuff

A whole month's worth of new Japanese music arrived in one glorious package.

First, there was Perfume's 'DREAM FIGHTER' and I respond with a resounding Hell Yeah to that!  The single continues Perfume's musical progression, and the c/w, "Negai" is a slow, hypnotic song that's got me very captivated.  It ends with a somber piano rendition of the main theme (an actual piano, perhaps) and doubtless, I'm still very much on the Perfume boat.

Next, Morning Musume released 'Cover You', a must-have tribute album to legendary (well, NOW you've heard of...) writer Aku Yuu.  A grand cover album in the tradition of W's first record; though W's covers still kick some unquestionable ass, here's some more songs to find the originals of.  Songs like Pepper Keibu (original) and (MM revamped).  A quick fan fave is 'Koi no Dial 6700', but there are 14 in total, like 'Dou ni mo Tomaranai' (or check out this version), or: oh-my-god-it's-chock-full'a-Japanesey-goodness 'Pin Pon Pan Taisou'. It seems like a couple of people have heard this song before. Untold numbers of J-kids singing and dancing in unison, with mecha-robots... they really know how to warm my heart. Is that Aya Matsuura MC'ing?

Finally, the first release of all these, SPEED's triumphant return with 'Ashita no Sora' and c/w 'Something New' which may be, in fact, too funky (not possible).  Again we get a line like 'Let's go out to the street' (?)  Somebody do a bit of research on Okinawa street gangs and reassure me that there aren't rampant amounts of dancing female foursomes blowing each other away for drugs and such.

But brace yourselves, gentle readers; I hate to break this to you, but there is one track I may never listen to again:  the 'White Love～STEADY～Body&Soul 2008' medley.  If this track serves only one purpose, it's to acclimate our ears to the sound of a much-older SPEED singing our old favorites on their new tour.  After that, well...

For good measure, they made sure to employ every available gospel singer to back them up on this one.  This isn't their weak spot, and it never was.  Always plenty of gospel singers wailing away on some really good SPEED tracks, and even if they're going over the top singing about things like 'Kiwi Love bayayayayaby wowowowowowowowowowowow!' (whatever that means), it'd be blasphemy not to have all them gospellers.

Every SPEED medley, even from back in the day, suffers because the songs contained within are on average 5 minutes at least, which meant they really had a beginning and an end, and the journey was magnificent.  To chop them off at around 2 minutes each denies the full force of the message and the spaces between sound like 'fuck it, let's do a different song now'.  There's no effort to combine these songs into one cohesive work that matches the profundity of any of the originals.

But my main opposition to this recording is that, look, Hiro and Eriko are ten years older now, and they're not screaming at the top of their lungs like they used to.  Which happens to be their old trademark, and what endeared me to those old songs in the first place.  Anybody who tries to build a time machine and go back to give them some control or nuance that they didn't have then should be killed before a good thing gets ruined.

Ladies, you're all beautiful and talented, but if this isn't you anymore, don't pretend.  Sing a whole set of new songs, throw in the odd oldie here and there.  But I'm kinda disappointed that you spent any time on this song, because you already recorded it years ago, and we still have it on CD.  And for every imitation you do of your thirteen-year-old selves, I wonder whether it's because you think you can do it better now, or because you think it'll be just as good as it was before (or the third, most likely answer: because the producers demanded it).  Seriously, I can put the old (real) 'STEADY' on repeat for weeks at a time if I miss it that much.

I don't mind the new 'heavier' backing tracks that come with the medley, and someday we may get to hear the new music with the old voices.  But time has moved on, and as much as I *love* the new songs, no matter how hard you try (with every available technology), you just can't recapture a moment.

Girl's Box LOVERS HIGH Movie Review, Part Five

Finally, I get to talk about Aiko again.  I won't spend a lot of time talking about how cute she looks or how well she does with her part, as I'll have plenty of time in the future to do all this and more.  No, the issue at hand is LOVERS HIGH, the Girl's Box Movie, a film I've wanted to see since I heard it was being made.

In this film, Aiko plays 'Ai', a name which I'm sure took countless hours of thought, but I'm just kidding, that's not the important part.  She gets a much bigger role than Nacchan and like Nami (Nao) and Yua (Yu), Ai is a waitress at the Girl's Box bar. 

We get our first glimpse of Aiko in the 'apartment' above the bar, slaving away making what looks like (at best) two helpings of beef stew.  She offers Nami a taste test and Nami confirms that it's good indeed.  This pleases Ai, until Nana wordlessly wanders off with her guitar.  Ai says essentially, "where are you going, don't you want your thimble-full of stew?" and Nana replies, "lay off!"  This does not please Ai, and their long-term rivalry is made apparent when Ai gets upset and starts throwing air punches and kicks, but the arrival of Yua is enough to lift Ai's spirits.

Throughout it all, Aiko plays the 'girlie' character that everyone likes, save Nacchan, who has issues with everyone.  Ai cooks, she can't stand beer and she makes it known, and she gathers a crowd of would-be admirers when papering the town for the Big Blowout.  Later, at the event itself, she's confronted by two men who say "hey, Ai, you said we could go out sometime!" alluding to some empty promise she'd made just to get them to the bar, and Miku (Michi) abandons Ai to deal with the situation on her own.  Instead of standing up to the pair of guys, Ai wordlessly crouches to the floor with a panicked look as they lean in on her.  Another hilarious/cute-as-a-bedbug's-ear moment from Aiko, and I laugh every time I see this.

It's soon discovered that Aiko has a singing talent and thus begins Phase 2 of 'Save Girl's Box', where a little bar becomes a big hit after showing off some local talent, courtesy of the soundtrack songs.  She sings 'Runaway Girl' in a montage that shows the bar gaining more and more popularity, and in the end it's decided that Kingyo (Yua, Nami, and Aiko) should be formed and marketed.  So they use Mama's old song, "Lover's High", and based on the strength of that one song, they are given the keys to super-stardom.  And that's where the movie ends, you know, back where you bought the Lover's High single.

It's great to see Aiko in a movie, especially a good film like this.  It was well-acted, well-edited, and well, everything else was enjoyable, and in repeated viewings it hasn't lost much integrity in this viewer's opinion.  All the girls do a great job acting and singing, and at the end of the day, they have nothing to be ashamed of.  I curse them not, and this movie has served its purpose in introducing me to the others to whom I haven't been paying attention.  If only the marketing department and the writers could be so lucky as to be spared the wrath of my rantings...

First of all, writers, that's enough!  Stop pretending that Aiko needs to be coaxed into singing.  Furthermore, stop perpetuating the myth that anyone can sing, provided you push on their stomach!  She's been the featured soloist on 12 singles that date back to 5 years ago -- we don't need convincing!  Even -if- it had to be done for delicate story purposes (i.e., to keep the bar in business), this is the one and only time you can play that card, and ever after, she's a singer!  Not an "oh-my-god, I could have been singing this whole time" singer, but in reality, an "I can sing, I've done it before, it's no problem" singer.  She sings;  she's a singer.

Next, there's a scene in this movie where the girls first listen to "Lover's High" and we watch them fawn over the 'unheard' and beautiful song.  This would've had more impact on the core audience, -if- we hadn't gone partially deaf in the last year from listening to it endlessly, waiting for the movie to come out.  Kingyo really needed a B-side, you know, a 'c/w', which would have given the group a little more depth.  Instead, you marketing geniuses said, "one song, that's all you get!" and it appears that the viewers have more insight into the group than the girls themselves.  Please buy a clue and put the song out at the same time as the movie, not a full year before!  Any of those who thought this movie might be slightly esoteric have already refused to buy a ticket based on the song they've already heard!

Last, when it comes to Special Features on the DVD, let's think about the market.  If you offer a Special Edition for $20 more than the Regular version, please put features on the 'other disc' that the dedicated fan might like to see, and hasn't already been assimilated by the target audience.  The one feature which no one has already seen is a skit done by the lead actresses for the film's première, the rest are already in the collection of those who've paid a premium.  The "Original PV Clip" of Lover's High... I already have.  The "Movie Version PV Clip" of Lover's High... I already have.  As I paid at least $10 more dollars each for the DVD versions of the single and movie soundtrack, respectively, I should get more from the "Special Edition" of the film.  Is it too much to ask?  Those who purchase the overpriced 'Special' film will undoubtedly have purchased the "Special Editions" of 'Lover's High' and the 'Girl's Box Movie Original Soundtrack'.  Again, buy a clue... does it do any good in the long run, for Aiko's sake, to rip off hardcore fans while simultaneously alienating the casual fan?

I sigh deeply and admit that I'll buy anything which gives me more Aiko, anytime, anywhere.  But it makes this fan wonder if the stone isn't exhausted from being bled dry.  The future of Aiko depends on you marketing so-and-so's.  

A lot has changed since I first registered this site.  She stopped putting out singles in favor of 'Cheer Up Indies!', another show which the Japanese can see but I can't.  Her popularity could transcend Japan's coastal limits;  her personality is so askew from the global status quo that we could use such optimism down here in the doldrums.  And yet you squander it all for a quick buck.

Ms. Kayo, I have not lost faith in you.  I'm writing you in for President, if only to see how the voting machines scan your name (嘉陽愛子).  And the worst crime of all would be to let you fade into obscurity because your reputation has been besmirched.  This site was intended as a counter to that possibility. 

So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.